Just Happy

The darkness dances around my eye sores,
My days have shifted.
The concept of time now confuses me.
But its all dust under the table.
Spilt milk, I suppose.
I jump off cliffs and run through fires,
Yet still I watch the ground only inches in front of me.
Still I feel for my back and feel up my spine,
It’s still there.
I’m still here.
But my naval is gone already,
My chest has left as well.
Where have they gone?
When will they be back?
I don’t care in the slightest.
With them they have taken memories
Of a shady past,
Memories I wish to forget.
They have takes my sadness away,
My confusion,
My loneliness.
Until all the remains
is happiness.
And I’m just happy.
And its simple.
And it’s fun.
And I smile more,
Laugh more,
And I’m just..
happy.

The Wall

She touches the walls with her bare hands,
She forgot how to feel still,
The wall feels cool,
She realizes how hot she has been.
Her eyes are closed,
She know what this looks like.
She sits quietly because nothing more needs to be said.
She waits patiently,
Leaning against the wall,
She laughs to herself when she feels her naval fly away.
She smiles to herself when she feels her chest leave as well.
Faces surround her asking where he mind is.
She seems miles away.
I shake her and she dreamily speaks of how funny time is.
I wonder what time it is in her head.
I wonder if she notices the time going by.
I wonder if she cares.
So many different directions of criticism are coming toward her
She keeps her head up.
I feel bad for her.
But I know we all wish we we’re where she is.
No matter how far away we pull her,
She still wants to just sit with the wall.
Just sit, and be calm.
And be happy.
She needs to get her thoughts together.
What a mess that girl is.
Or was? Perhaps?
I fear that wall will one day fall,
What then would she do.
She’s to blind to think about this.
This old wall…
I wish I could slap her in the face and say “wake up!”
But I know she would only become very sad.
But she is so confused.
What position she puts herself in.
What a silly girl.
I hope that wall keeps her steady.
I hope it keeps her safe.
I have so much fear for her,
I care for her,
I want to protect her.
But secretly, I envy her.
I remember it was not so long, when I sat there,
Right there.
As well.
　

reflections..

Everything I seem to write is repetitive and has such emphasis on today. Could that be it’s only today? And tomorrow it will not be? Or does that mean ‘today’ as in today and on, today is the future, today is forever. But I said today and today is only today. And then am I repetitive because I’m stuck in this trend the trend I’m always in? Or repetitive because of the obvious? That I am simply.. Repeating? How can I know? Do I listen to my mind? Or listen to my heart? Even if I made that decision I couldn’t because I cant tell the two apart anymore. When I spell it out like this its so complicated but when I’m just there, and in the moment and feeling what I want and feeling what’s right, all the complications go away and I’m just happy. So happy. But how long will ‘there and in the moment’ last? How long before I become restless? How long before I hurt somebody I care about so deeply? How selfish I must be not to think about this but how ridiculous I must be to think it through this much and not to just let what is be. But isn’t up to me to stop what could be stopped, prevent a potential disaster? But who am I to stand in the way of something like this from happening? It’s happening without my insisting, it’s happening with out my persuasion, for the first time since the past time it’s just happening and who am I to stop it when it is exactly what I want? I contradict myself here but in my mind what I know to be the truth right now I don’t contradict myself at all. Which in the bigger picture is yet just another contradiction. What I know from my past is true. But, what I know from my present.. Is true as well. How do you decided between two truths? Which is truer? But how it was then.. And how it was now, is different. And that’s true.

Today

My heart and my mind
Intertwined today
At least a thousand times
Just today.
But am I blind?
I don’t feel blind
This feels real as day,
As bright as day
But today,
I’m scared.
The things I have to loose today.
I’m not at all prepared.
He happiness I receive,
Each day.
The breath I breath,
Each day,
Seemed so inconsequential
Yesterday.
But its all new,
And fresh and
Today,
Is a new day.