reflections..

Everything I seem to write is repetitive and has such emphasis on today. Could that be it’s only today? And tomorrow it will not be? Or does that mean ‘today’ as in today and on, today is the future, today is forever. But I said today and today is only today. And then am I repetitive because I’m stuck in this trend the trend I’m always in? Or repetitive because of the obvious? That I am simply.. Repeating? How can I know? Do I listen to my mind? Or listen to my heart? Even if I made that decision I couldn’t because I cant tell the two apart anymore. When I spell it out like this its so complicated but when I’m just there, and in the moment and feeling what I want and feeling what’s right, all the complications go away and I’m just happy. So happy. But how long will ‘there and in the moment’ last? How long before I become restless? How long before I hurt somebody I care about so deeply? How selfish I must be not to think about this but how ridiculous I must be to think it through this much and not to just let what is be. But isn’t up to me to stop what could be stopped, prevent a potential disaster? But who am I to stand in the way of something like this from happening? It’s happening without my insisting, it’s happening with out my persuasion, for the first time since the past time it’s just happening and who am I to stop it when it is exactly what I want? I contradict myself here but in my mind what I know to be the truth right now I don’t contradict myself at all. Which in the bigger picture is yet just another contradiction. What I know from my past is true. But, what I know from my present.. Is true as well. How do you decided between two truths? Which is truer? But how it was then.. And how it was now, is different. And that’s true.