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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

#6 this is a masquerade

Masquerade, everyday new face,
Masquerade, it’s like a game, like a race,
Masquerade, what’s happening behind the mask?
Masquerade, I guess you’ll just- go on- not knowing…
There’s crashing towers,
that’s happening now,
Spilling water,
that’s happening now,
Tipping tables,
that’s happening now,
But I wont let you see,
For this is a masquerade.
Slamming doors,
that’s happening now,
Breaking glass,
that’s happening now,
Screaming children,
that’s happening now,
But you won’t do anything,
For this is a masquerade.
You are trapped behind your cage,
but you put yourself there,
You locked it up
Just right now.
But aren’t we all?
For this is a masquerade.
Turns of pages with boxes, going on forever,
And turns of sand that mound up high until there is no air,
And it’s always a masquerade.
Crimson lips,
Ivory skin,
Golden accents,
And she’s thin,
At her masquerade it’s a party,
Crimson blood stained carpet,
That’s happening now,
Ivory pale skin,
that’s happening now,
“Is she dead?”
Did that happen right now?
But you can’t tell for this is a masquerade.
Violet flowers blossoming there,
Pearly smiles smiling there,
Beautiful voice singing there,
At her masquerade it’s a ball,
Violet bruises all over her body,
that’s happening now,
And she’s crying and crying
that’s happening now,
Go stop her crying,
But you cant
Because this,
Is a masquerade.
Masquerade, put on any face you please,
Masquerade, you can put your mind at ease
Masquerade, don’t you wish the people knew?
What all this masquerading has done,
To you.

#5 Biological Changes

Yelling in my ear,
Open minds, empty slate.
Underwater, it’s hotter. But I can breathe easier.
Radiation poisoning, red syringe, bloody knuckles,
Reeking intentions, pointing fingers, acquisitions- that kill me,
Inside the rink, outside this life.
Gag these words from my mouth, these thoughts from my head.
Hide me, keep my quiet. Forget everything.
Those who didn’t listen, are the weak ones.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

day 4 "Aurora's Revolution"

Apple trees singing of redemption
Umbrellas falling from starving hands,
Running away just to hide my face in a storm,
Olive oil ferments, paint chips off the walls into the air I breath and I cant stop coughing,
Revolution written in blood on every door.
And all the while they tell us to smile.
Men show us the key before locking us up. That’s what we’re getting into I suppose?
Ants seem to understand the world more these days,
Yet I hide in coffins, seek the shelter of cages.
Cleanliness stops mattering when your clothes can’t be washed.
Optimism?
Muffled whispers lull me to sleep, I realize they’re always saying the same thing.
Maybe I’m just being silly.
Enough! Just wake up! Just grow up!
Racing thoughts shake my head, and cant stand up, I don’t want to.
Emptiness fills me up, its enough for me, it has to be.
Even when everything tells me no…

#4 "ode to the worry rock"

I cannot over love you, for your purpose is to be loved, be touched, caressed-you are not bothered when I am upset, you are ever consoling, getting my mind relaxed, making me feel at peace- you are constant, in an ever changing world I can always be confident I have something permanent, something I can rely on-you are so real, no batteries, no charge, codes, touch screens, or lights. in a technological world you are my reality, my pure earthly substance-if for a while I leave you, no matter how long, you are always there when I return. when all else pushes me away and I battle the rocky terrain alone you smooth skin reminds me to breath. Its fine. Its alright-no matter how many years I wear u away you take nothing from me.- oh the layers you've lost from me loosing love, oh the time you've spent tenderly taking care of me. you loving me as I loose love, loose money, loose things forever, me loving you as I wear you away and pull it all back together. and I’ll love you and love you and you'll become so very thin, there is no effort, no need for talk, no need to explain. you already know, you read the story on my fingerprints which you have memorized years ago, I touch u and you know, I touch you and let go. my fingers fit perfectly in the groove of your stomach, the curve of your back, the nape of your neck it is all of you. the in sync rhythm we have grown accustom to washes everything out. just as I need it to. and no matter how much I do, I cannot over love you.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Are you afraid of death aurora?

i was reminded today how fragile life is, how real it is. people aren't invincible. people die. which is a crazy thing to think about, especially in the society we live in today which is all about living forever. everybody wants to live forever! we have anti-aging cream and surgical procedures all covering up the inevitable. not prolonging, not posponing, just denying. the truth of the matter which of course is that you will die, in fact we are all sitting here, dieing slowly. it may take 80 years it may take 100 years or it may even take only 12, but the process is never ceasing.
i was asked the question weeks ago "are you afraid of death?" i said no. and i didn't think anyone should be. however i was afraid of not having enough time and leaving the ones i love and not being able to care for them, take care of them, blah blah blah, the usual stuff. but looking at it from another perceptive, fearing the death not of myself but of others. am i afraid of others around me dieing, loved ones of loved ones dieing and seeing them suffer, my own loved ones dieing and suffering myself. i didn't realize how afraid i am of that. there's an hourglass hovering over every one of us. I'm not afraid of mine running out, but theirs? terrified. but how selfish of me not to be afraid of my own, for if theirs runs out think of the suffering i would endure, would theirs not be the same? which also pains me to think about. how could i not fear making them suffer this as well? so i must be right?
a fear of "death" i believer, is similar to that of a fear of the "dark". what is scary about the dark? nothing. we create our own darkness when we close our eyes, in nature the night sky is black and dark. should it not be in our nature to welcome the dark? or at least be used to it? but this fear of the "dark" is more a fear of things in the darkness, the effects of what those things might do, harm you, take you, harm those around you and you won't be able to see, you'll be helpless. just as a fear of death. is death scary? no, a painful death maybe but that would be more a fear of pain rather death. after death you are still, maybe you go to heaven, maybe you reincarnate as a tree, a rock, a flower, maybe you simply decompose. you will feel nothing, no pain, no sadness, you will be free. dead, yes, but free from this devastating life we always complain about. why would you fear that? but fear of the effects of death, the effects on others when you die, the effects on you when they die, fear of time, fear of realization that the life you led wasn't what you wanted. so why not just throw all that together under the one name, the name of the thing that starts up all that ruckus itself? death. or perhaps we should just forget about this completely, as many people do. they ignore it, they don't like to talk about death. these are the people that use a nightlights when they're afraid of the dark. so completely afraid that they can't even bare to think of what might happen won't even admit that they are afraid, just denying it, just making sure that their life is so full of light at all times that maybe they can prevent darkness. maybe then they really won't be scared because there is nothing to be scared of. this is the mindset people have. but, one day you'll realize, as i have; you can't beat this.
so am i afraid of death? shit, i don't even know anymore. yes? no?
maybe I'll just use a nightlight.